Africa and The Maybe

Many of you know I recently had the extreme privilege of joining Martha Beck and twelve fabulous men and women for this year’s African STAR. It was amazing. Life-changing. Transformative. We saw leopards mating, need I say more?

Here’s what I thought would happen before I left:
I’ve been working on revamping my coaching practice and figuring out “what’s next” for me. I’ve met with some really cool experts who have helped me flesh out messaging and ideas, and even though it’s been hard work (Big clue alert! While a business revamp can be a big project, it shouldn’t feel like hard work. I wasn’t feeling the flow with it.) I felt like I was in the home stretch. I figured I would go to Africa, it would all gel and I would come home energized (after a day to recover from jet lag of course!), inspired and ready to LAUNCH my new COACHING PRACTICE. Dun, dun DUN!

The Universe, as played by Africa with a supporting cast of wild animals,  was like, “HA!”

This is what actually happened:
I’m about an hour into the first leg of the flight and I’m talking to Martha about my FUTURE COACHING PRACTICE! (dun, dun, DUN!) And I realize what I was creating was not it at all. Sure, parts of what I created are it. But the whole, nope, too small. Huh. 

So I’m on the plane to Africa and I joke to Martha that I know less now than I did before I left the ground. But, I say confidently, I’m sure it will all come together in Africa!

It didn’t.

I went to Africa searching for inspiration and answers, and I got Maybe.

I didn’t know what I was experiencing could be called “The Maybe” until one of my fellow STARlings sent me this post from Mastin Kipp of called “Can You Live In The Maybe?” In it, he says,

Instead of demanding what we want and wanting it now, can we ask The Uni-verse for what we want, and then let go? Can we rest in the peace of the moment knowing we are provided for and that the perfect thing, which is probably better than what we asked for in the first place, will show up?

I am not a fan of The Maybe. I think The Maybe can bite it. Yet here I am. I’ve been here before, but this Maybe feels big. And it’s being stubbornly Maybe-ish about the whole thing.

I seem to be constitutionally incapable of applying my mind to the problem of “what next” and coming up with an answer that inspires me. That’s because it’s not a mind thing. I’m finally learning that all the real things are soul things, and I can’t think my way through them. I have to be and feel my way through. Which is living in The Maybe. To do like Mastin says, to truly learn to let go–as opposed to kinda sorta not really letting go–to be here now and to do whatever feels good in this moment. What feels good in the moment are things like talking to friends, attempting to connect to my body and emotions (I resist this a lot, it’s ok), sitting outside, doing fun things like going to comedy shows, trying stand-up paddling, and taking a running class.

I’m doing this because I have faith. Faith that the Maybe can imagine a hell of a lot bigger and cooler than I can. Faith that now is not the time to gallop forward. Faith that I can relax, give up the reins, and let the universe drive for a while.

I’m going to take a shot at deeply trusting The Maybe.

I’ll let you know how it goes.