What To Do When Your Ambitions Change at Midlife

As I entered my early 50s, my relationship with ambition completely changed. The shift was influenced by a couple of factors:

• The waves of depression and anxiety I rode in my late 40s due to menopause plus a lot of unresolved trauma. I felt like I'd gotten taken down to the studs. 
• With the inevitable passage of time came the realization that perhaps intense ambition is a younger person's game I didn't want to play anymore. 

I felt a growing desire to relax more and strive less. The drive to hustle faded, replaced by a yearning to contribute in ways that nourish rather than deplete me.

I realized just how much the traditional notion of 'success' drove me and how that felt like a trap that kept me on a continual hamster wheel of trying to make it happen — and fearing it wouldn't.

Instead of Going Harder, I Stopped

Instead of striving harder like I've always done, I stopped. I realized that the only way to stop feeling like I was on a hamster wheel was to get of the g.d. hamster wheel. I needed to redefine my relationship with success. 

But before the redefinition comes the grief.

I had to allow myself to grieve the dreams that may never materialize: the books I thought I would write, the big platform I'd have, and of course if my vision boards from the mid-aughts had anything to say about it, the bags of money. Turns out I'm not willing to have that stuff at any cost. I value my space, my integrity, and my sanity much more than any particular outcome. 

After the tears dried, new, smaller dreams emerged—dreamlets more aligned with who I am now. My new dreams are simpler, more grounded, and less attached to the frantic energy of the hustle. I am super passionate about helping people, particularly women, navigate this time of life filled with identity changes and new paths.

I want to enjoy my life. I want to not be so identified with work—to think about it less. I want to go on trips, take up a hobby or two, be present for my partner, my friends, and family. I want to have small, fun moments of all kinds. 

Surrender Makes Room for the Magic

I’m learning over and over again to trust in the magic of surrender, allowing things to unfold naturally rather than forcing them into existence. (After I'm done clutching onto the old way for all it's worth!) The more deeply I surrender, the better my life gets. 

When I finally let go of my way, I make space for the magic. When I stop running ahead of my dreams and give the universe space to work, the results are more delightful and effortless than anything I could have orchestrated on my own.

I’m discovering what truly matters to me: simplicity, meaning, service, community, nature, and love. And through all that adversity (and a lot of therapy 😉), I gained resilience and an inner strength that anchors me through life’s challenges.

The Neverending Journey of Your Becoming

As I continue this endless journey of becoming, I invite you to reflect on your relationship with ambition and success. Are there dreams you need to grieve to make space for new ones? Can you trust in the magic of surrender and allow the universe to surprise you? What would it look like to redefine success on your terms? Remember, you have an abundance of resources—whether in the form of loved ones, your inner strength, or simply the gift of life itself. 

If you'd like to chat with me, you can book a free consult. I'll listen closely to what's up for you and share my thoughts on potential next steps and how I can help. There's never any hard selling or pressure, promise. 

I’ll leave you with my favorite Rumi quote, which has become a guiding light for me in this phase of life:

“Run from what’s comfortable. Forget safety. Live where you fear to live. Destroy your reputation. Be notorious. I have tried prudent planning long enough. From now on I’ll be mad.”